


Exhale

by fiendishkitty



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Blow Jobs, M/M, Sad Ending, Sibling Incest, Sibling Love, Song Lyrics, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-09
Updated: 2015-09-09
Packaged: 2018-04-19 20:31:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4760015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiendishkitty/pseuds/fiendishkitty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Dean's last night before the hellhounds come to claim his soul. He and Sam spend the time together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Exhale

**Author's Note:**

> So this is totally a song fic. I was listening to "Hands to Heaven" by the band Breathe and just felt inspired. The first part is from Dean's POV. The second is Sam's. The bold parts are lyrics.  
> Also, Kuma's Corner is a real place. www.kumascorner.com  
> Sorry for any typos. I read over it probably 100 times but I may have missed something and I don't have a beta.

**_As I watch you move, across the moonlit room  
There's so much tenderness in your loving_ **

I watch as Sam prepares the room for the night. Salt line at the door. Salt line along the dusty windowsill. I lose sight of him as he steps into the bathroom to salt the tiny window in the shower. The salt is tinged a shade of gray as Sam insisted on mixing goofer dust into it for added precaution. I told him not to bother. It will only postpone my impending fate. It will only keep the hellhounds at bay for so long. 

Sam never listens to me.

The moonlight washes the room in gray light. Not blue like the movies would have you believe. The pale light is the only illumination we have. Gray light. Gray walls. Gray carpet. Gray salt. I feel like I’m going color blind. Then Sam emerges from the bathroom after a few long minutes and I’m struck by how colorful he is. White and red plaid button down hanging loosely over a blue v-neck t-shirt which is stretched tight over his broad, tan frame. Shaggy brown hair curling forward into hazel eyes. Dark denim jeans tapered down to black boots. Apparently my impending fate has made me notice details even more than my usual attention dictates. 

Sam’s eyes meet mine as he moves across the room toward the bed. His steps are filled with intent. We didn’t bother with pretense at this motel. I flat out asked the woman at the desk for a king room as far away from other guests as possible. I don’t know whose eyebrows shot up faster, Sam’s in surprise or the clerk’s in dismay. Not that I care. If I’m going to hell in the morning, I’ll damn well sleep how I please tonight.

When he gets close enough, I lean forward and rest my forehead against his stomach, inhaling his scent. Sam smells of citrus and musk and bronze. Yes, bronze. No one else on earth smells like him.

One of Sam’s hands presses against my cheek, thumb sweeping across the bone. The other hand threads softly through my hair. Sam has always been soft with this. Don’t get me wrong. We have our moments of knockdown, wicked hot, fuck me into the mattress/floor/wall/dirt/tree/backseat of the Impala sex. Those are usually adrenaline filled moments of _we could have just died_. When it’s just me and my Sammy, we’re tender. We have enough rough in our lives already. We don’t need it with this.

**_Tomorrow I must leave, the dawn knows no reprieve  
God give me strength when I am leaving_**

Sam looks down at me from his ridiculous height. Need blazing in his eyes. I stand and brush my lips against his. The hand he has on my cheek tilts my head so he can deepen the kiss, slipping his tongue into my mouth. I can feel the tension in his frame as I slide my hands up under his shirt. Tomorrow I’ll be gone and I decide that tonight, tonight needs to be about showing Sam how much I love him and getting rid of as much of that tension as possible.

In my mind I pray to a God I’m not quite sure I believe in to give me the strength I need to let go and to make sure that Sammy is ok when I am gone. Sam’s hands make quick work of my shirt, tossing it to the floor. Our mouths are meeting hotly now. The need is overtaking us both. I’m pretty sure that I rid Sam of his clothes faster than I ever have before. Including that one time he stood in a fire ant bed during a salt and burn. Screamed like a girl, he did. Now, he just moans and sinks down to his knees to work at my belt.

You wouldn’t think that the bellybutton is necessarily an erogenous zone, but when Sam dips his tongue into mine and kisses it like he does my mouth, I instantly go from half mast to “hammer nails with my dick” hard. My belt is whipped across the room. My pants and boxers closely follow without any care as to where they land. Sam is usually all about teasing licks and nips, getting me so close to yet so very far from the edge. Tonight, however, he swallows me whole. I can actually feel the back of his throat pressing against the head of my dick, contracting around me. It’s amazing.

He works me perfectly with his mouth, hitting all my spots and places that ensure I’m going to come and come hard. Incoherent groans and nonsense mumbles are all that I’m able to muster when I try to tell him how good it feels. I can feel my orgasm rushing up through my body already. My lower back is tingling. My fingers are twitching uncontrollably. My stomach begins to churn and twist as my abs tighten with pleasure. My toes are making fists in the threadbare carpet. I grasp at his head, trying to pull him off of my straining cock. I’m not nearly ready for this to be over. Sam just grips my ass cheeks in his huge hands, pulls me impossibly closer, and begins to hum. Throwing my head back, hands tangled in Sam’s hair, I let my orgasm rip through me. Shivers wrack my body and Sam just swallows and swallows until my cock has run dry and then he lowers me to the bed when my knees finally decide they’re done and give out.

**_So raise your hands to heaven and pray  
That we'll be back together someday_ **

Slowly, Sam crawls over my body and raises himself up, hands pressed into the mattress next to my head. His groin is hard against mine and I shiver again as my spent flesh is grazed. He smiles and presses himself a bit further into me, rubbing his huge, hard cock against my body. I know it’s to draw another shiver from me. Sammy lives for my reactions to him. Of course my body helplessly complies. Everything in my life has been about the man stretched over me like an answered prayer. Why stop tonight.

I’m so glad Sam gave up his relentless pursuit of saving me. It’s made these last few weeks a bit more bearable, not having to stress over Sam stressing. I’ve been able to actually enjoy some of the time I had left. Sam took me to this place in Chicago called Kuma’s Corner. They play my kind of music and menu items are named after metal bands. Sometimes I love him so much it hurts. 

Tomorrow is Sam’s birthday. I wish I could give him a better present for his twenty-fifth birthday than me going to hell. I should have gotten him a carrot cake with some candles, or a salad, or something. A balloon? A card? A rim job? 

I know that Sammy and I will be together again somewhere, somehow. 

I also know that I’m beyond thankful for the time that we’ve had.

**_Tonight, I need your sweet caress  
Hold me in the darkness_ **

As Sam lifts one hand to caress down my side, I wrap my thighs around his waist, holding him against me. The overwhelming need to come _nownownow_ has passed and I revel in the light touches of Sam’s hands. The heavy weight of his body. It’s been a little over four months since we finally caved to the driving need between us. The need that made its presence known after I sold my soul to that damn demon. Just four months. We could have had so much longer.

The weight of Sam’s body over me, against me, next to me, has become so much a part of my being that it feels like home. Though he’s never said it outright, I know he feels the same about me. The first night we stayed at Bobby’s after this began, we attempted to sleep in our normal separate spots. It really didn’t work out too well. I tossed and turned all night and Sam looked no better off the next morning. Bobby took one look at us over breakfast, burst out into awkward laughter, sighed deeply, said we were “damn idjits for taking so long to get around to it”, warned us that if we kept him awake he’d castrate us with _my_ knife, and poured up a couple of shots. It was Bobby’s way of giving us his blessing.

Darkness creeps across the room. I guess the moon decided to take refuge behind a cloud. Sam leans down and captures my lips with his. I brush the hair back off of his forehead, moaning wantonly into his mouth. Kissing Sam is like touching a wire to your tongue to test if it’s live. Shocks and jolts fire through my system, lighting my body up with desire. I could spend the rest of my time locked on Sam’s lips and die a happy man. But, I know Sam has more planned for tonight.

**_Tonight, you calm my restlessness  
You relieve my sadness_ **

The opening snick of the cap on the lube sounds loud alongside our quiet sighs. I shift restlessly as Sam runs a lube slick hand up my slowly re-awakening cock. With firm and sure strokes, he rapidly brings me back to full hardness. His thumb worries at the slit in the head, spreading my pre-cum around. When Sam brings that thumb up to my lips, I immediately part them to suck the digit inside. Sam, however, has other ideas. 

He paints around my lips, covering them in strawberry flavored lube and my own spend. He sucks his thumb into his own mouth, tasting. The tip of his tongue skates across my top lip, licking off the sticky slick coating it. Then he pulls my bottom lip into his mouth with his teeth and begins to suck the flavor off with fervor. Lust shoots through me so sharply, I’m honestly surprised that I don’t come again. My back arches. My hips cant forward. A noise that probably started life as a moan, but now sounds more like a squeak, makes its way out of my throat.

Despite all of this, I can’t help but feel overwhelmingly sad. This is the last time. The last time I’ll get to feel Sam’s body pressing mine down into the mattress. I won’t get to feel him moving over me. With me. Inside me. No arguing over what hunts to take and to let be. No touches as we work around each other. No brief brushes of hands and feet while sitting in some greasy spoon as I devour a burger and Sam eats his rabbit food. No more smiles across the front seat of my baby as we cruise along the blacktop.

Sam. Sam.

“Sammy…” I breathe.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

**_As we move to embrace, tears run down your face  
I whisper words of love, so softly_ **

When I hear my name said on an exhale against my lips, a tremor runs through my body. I press my mouth harder to Dean’s, wanting him to say my name again. Wanting to swallow every word and breath that Dean graces me with. 

I brush my non-lube covered hand across his cheek. The warm wetness on it gives me pause. I pull back to look at Dean in the moonlight. His eyes are squeezed shut as if he is in pain and, as I watch, a tear slides down his cheek, into his hair.

“Dean…” I start. “Dean, look at me.”

A brief shake of his head.

“Please look at me.” I whisper, my words laced with worry.

That gets a response. Slowly Dean opens his eyes. The tears brimming in them make the green look like pools of liquid jade, even in the dim light.

“Dean, what’s wrong?” 

“Nothing, Sammy. Just let it go.” Dean turns his face from mine, breaking eye contact.

I take his chin in my hand and turn him back to me. Eye contact re-established. His jaw is firm. Set. Stubborn. As per usual.

Sighing, I tilt my head and lick up the side of his face, following the trail of the tear in reverse. Dean gasps and leans into me. I’ve always been able to get to him with my touches. Even before we started this.

When I reach his eyelid, I lightly press a kiss to it. Moving across his face, I kiss his other eyelid. He begins to tremble.

“I love you. All of you. You stubborn jerk.” I chuckle.

Dean huffs out a laugh and I know we’ve moved beyond the moment.

**_I can't believe this pain, it's driving me insane  
Without your touch, life will be lonely_ **

I put my hand back down between his legs, stroking him back to fullness. I love the feel of Dean. Thick. Heavy with need. With want. For me.

There’s a big part of me that is going crazy with the pain of knowing that the person I love most in the world is leaving. Dean is going to hell. There’s no stopping it. 

I’ve researched. Thumbed through tomes and books until my fingers cracked and bled. Surfed the net until my eyes went blurry and unfocused. Made call after call after call only to come up empty handed.

It hurts so much that I can’t fix this. That I can’t fix Dean. I do everything for Dean. He’s my world.

God…

I sound like a chick flick. 

Dean would punch me in the arm if he knew what I was thinking.

My thoughts are interrupted as Dean wraps his legs back around my waist. The skin of his inner thighs is beyond distracting. The softness a deep contrast to the rest of all his tanned hardness. I feel his calloused fingers run up my sides and over my back, stopping to grip tightly at my shoulders. His lips trace along the edge of my jaw to my ear, his tongue licking along the shell before dipping inside.

That first time we fell into this, the first time we crossed the line into _moreharderyesnow_ , he couldn’t keep his hands off me. They were everywhere as Dean mapped out and learned the shape of me in a new way. As his touch made me ache with a need I didn’t know it was possible to feel. He satisfied that need when he climbed over me. Settled around me. Touching me in the most intimate way a person can be touched. His thighs gripping tight to my sides. His hands pressed hard to my chest as he rode me into and beyond oblivion. Even days later, I felt the phantom weigh of them pressing into me. It was almost as if his hands had imprinted themselves on my body.

I’m hoping to feel him for days, weeks, as long as possible after this time as well.

Hoping to ease the loneliness.

**_So raise your hands to heaven and pray  
That we'll be back together someday_ **

I slide my hands up his body, down his arms and grasp his hands, raising his arms over his head to press into the pillow. Dean moans long and low as I use my new leverage to grind my hips down, rubbing my cock along his. He squeezes his thighs and digs his heels into my lower back. His hips thrust up to drag us even harder and tighter against each other. I release my grip on his wrists so that I can reach down and palm his ass as he lifts it, dropping my head to mouth my way along his collarbone. 

Dean’s hands fist into my hair. Pulling. Tugging. Pushing. Positioning my head at the perfect angle so he can fuck his tongue into my mouth with abandon. My system is on overload already and we haven’t even gotten to the great stuff.

I wrench my mouth away from his. My tongue instantly misses the obscene feel of Deans against it. As I start to back away, Dean drop his legs from their death grip around me. He spreads his knees wide and tosses me the bottle of lube that I lost amongst the sheets earlier.

Locking eyes with Dean, I open the bottle and begin to slick my fingers. Dean lifts his hips in anticipation when I scoot forward a bit. His hand drifts down to wrap around his leaking cock. He knows I like to watch him fist himself as I finger him open. 

When I reach my hand around to my own opening, however, his hand goes lax and his eyes go wide.

We’ve only done it this way once before. After, Dean said that he much preferred me fucking him, thank you very much, and drop the damn subject already Sammy!

I slide two fingers into my ass with ease, already having opened myself earlier in the bathroom. This preparation now is strictly for Dean’s benefit. I want him to see how much I want this. It’s definitely working. His breathing has shallowed to pants and gasps as he watches me work myself open. I crook my fingers and scrape across my prostate, causing my body to twitch, my cock to jerk, and a sharp groan to escape my throat.

Dean growls as I ease my fingers out. I crawl up him until I’m straddling his waist. I grind back and feel his cock brush my entrance. His hands are on my thighs, fingertips pressing in so hard I’m going to have bruises for days.  
Reaching behind me, I grip the length of him in my hand and place him directly against me. I push my hips back slowly. I’m not quite stretched enough for him to fit smoothly. That’s what I wanted though. Once I feel the head of him push through the first tight ring of muscle, I pause. Bracing my palms on either side of his ribs, I answer the question in Dean’s eyes as I rock myself back and down, fully encasing him, bringing us together.

**_Tonight, I need your sweet caress  
Hold me in the darkness_ **

It burns so good. That fullness of having him buried inside. I welcome it. I know that the burn will last long after the pleasure of tonight has passed. 

I brush my hands down Dean’s arms until my fingers tangle with his. Bringing his hands up to wrap around me, I lean forward and begin to move over him. His hands grip tight onto my shoulders and he pulls me down until my chest is pressed against his, rubbing together through a sheen of sweat with every rise and fall of my hips. 

His arms go even tighter as Dean brings his knees up off the mattress. His feet plant firmly and on my next movement down, he thrusts his hips up, driving his cock deeper inside me. I clench hard around him, my prostate lighting up with sensation. I’m not even trying to be quiet, moaning his name over and over. Neither is Dean. Not when it feels this damn good. 

We hold onto each other, straining and rolling against one another. I want to kiss him so bad but I just don’t have the coordination. I settle for panting into his mouth as I ride the hard wave of his body.

Dean groans deep in his chest. Grits out “Sammy. Fuck. Oh Jesus fuck! Sam!” and scratches his nails down my back to my ass. He grabs onto me, one hand on each cheek, gripped so tight I can feel bruises start to form already. His eyes lock with mine in the darkness as he pulls me even wider apart, brings me even further down on his cock. He leans his head up and latches his teeth into my bottom lip, biting down just hard enough to not quite break the skin. 

I can’t hold on anymore. The pleasure overwhelms me and as I start to convulse with the force of my orgasm, Dean lets go of my lip and presses his mouth fully against mine, swallowing my screams. His nails dig deep into the skin of my ass, and I can feel the sharp pulse of him coming warm inside me. 

**_Tonight, you calm my restlessness  
You relieve my sadness_ **

I slide off Dean’s body, falling to my side next to him. He rolls with me, turning to face me, and leans in to kiss me again. As our lips slide together, I am overcome with a surge of sadness. My breath hitches and I can’t stop the sob that builds in my throat. Dean pulls back and runs a hand through my hair, pushing it back off my face.

“Shh, Sammy. Shh. It’s gonna be fine. You’re gonna be fine.” He keeps shushing me, smoothing his hand through my hair until I calm down. Once my breathing has evened out, Dean scooches off the bed and heads into the bathroom. I hear him rummage around and the water turn on. After a minute he wanders back out into the room, washcloth in hand. He nudges me over onto my stomach. His hand is gentle as he cleans the come and lube from my body. The warmth of the washcloth is soothing against the marks his nails left.

Dean tosses the washcloth in the general direction of the bathroom and gets back on the bed. He moves his legs restlessly against mine as he settles down. I glance toward the clock and see that we have so little time left. I curl up around Dean, intent on spending as long as possible touching his skin before I have to go. 

**_Morning has come, another day  
I must pack my bags and say goodbye_ **

After a while, the inevitable can’t be put off any longer. Dean makes me get up and gather my stuff. He’d made me promise that I wouldn’t be there when the hounds came for him. We’d spent weeks arguing over it. In the end, I’d finally agreed when Dean made it his literal dying wish. The asshole is lucky I love him.

I walk around the room, packing up the few things I had out back into my duffle bag. Dean picks our clothes up from the various places they landed in our haste to get naked. He put his clothes on and leans against the door jam to the bathroom while he watches me get dressed. As I zip the bag shut, I hear Dean come up behind me. His arms wrap around my waist and he lays his forehead between my shoulder blades. His hands spread out over my chest. I bring my own hands up to grasp his wrists, to hold him a little closer to me for just a little longer.

He sighs deeply and I turn in his arms and pitch myself against him. I run my hands everywhere they can reach along his muscular frame. Touching him for what I know is the last time. 

Dean tilts his face up toward mine and captures my mouth in a deep yet gentle kiss. His tongue moves along mine in a sweet goodbye.

I reluctantly move out of his embrace and take a step toward the door. Dean stops me with a hand on my arm before I take another step.

“You’re gonna need these.” he says softly. There’s a jingle as he slips the keys to the Impala into my palm. “Go, Sammy. Now.”

I don’t try to stop the tears as I open the motel door. I let them wash down and over my cheeks as I walk to the car. They drip off my chin as I slide the key in the ignition. They wet my collar as I pull out of the parking lot.

I don’t look back. I know Dean has shut the door. It’s four minutes to midnight. I make it a couple of miles down the highway before I pull over onto the shoulder because I can’t see well enough to drive. I can’t stop shaking enough to keep the Impala on the road. 

I cry until my eyes dry out and I can’t cry anymore. When I look at the clock again, it’s twenty-two minutes past midnight. I shove the car in gear and spin her around, spraying gravel everywhere in my rush to get back on the road. The engine roars as I speed back down the highway towards the motel. I race into the parking lot and screech to a stop in the space directly in front of our room.

I leap out of the car, barely remembering to turn her off, shouting for Dean as I run toward the door. I burst inside, slamming the door back against the wall. I look around the room and see that there are huge splashes of blood on the floor next to the bed. Right where I left Dean standing. As if he didn’t even move. 

But there’s no Dean. 

I look in the bathroom, under the bed, even in the tiny French-doored closet by the sink. Nothing. 

I drop into the chair at the table by the window and rest my head in my hands.

Dean is gone.

**_Goodbye_ **

I’m not sure how long I sit there. My back hurts when I finally sit up but that pain is secondary. I take one last look around the room. I don’t see the blood stains. I see Dean and our brief time spent here.

It’s still dark when I go back outside. The tiniest sliver of light on the horizon catches my eye. 

Then and there I make a new vow. This is not goodbye. I’m going to hunt down Lillith if it’s the last damn thing I do in this world. I will make her pay for this. 

I get back in the Impala and this time when I pull out of the parking lot, I’m not directionless. I point her toward Sioux Falls and gun it.


End file.
